MST3K’s Kaiju Song “Every Country Has a Monster”
“Reptilicus is silly, but he really illustrates / The great array of monsters all over the place. / Not just in Japan, but across the planet.…”
Kicking off Season 11 of Mystery Science Theater 3000—the show where test subjects watch (and heckle) old movies—new host Jonah Heston and robots Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo watched the 1961 Danish giant monster movie Reptilicus. During one of the breaks, the robots commented that they assumed that giant movie monsters only come from Japan. Jonah set the record straight with the song “Every Country Has a Monster.”
Watch the video below for the song. Also scroll down for more info about MST3K, about Repticulucis and for the lyrics to this song!
About Mystery Science Theater 3000
Also known as MST3K, the show Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a sci-fi comedy TV series featuring a host and robots forced to watch (and heckle) old movies. Since its creation by Joel Hodgson in 1998, the show has appeared over the years on different channels and through different outlets. The show is now produced through their own platform, Gizmoplex.
Related links
About the movie Repitilicus
Reportedly, the original film Reptilicus was created as separate versions for Denmark and the United States, with one version filmed in Danish language and the second filmed in English. Both versions primarily used the same actors, except for one actress who could not speak English.
Lyrics for “Every Country Has a Monster”
JONAH: Reptilicus is silly, but he really illustrates / The great array of monsters all over the place. / Not just in Japan, but across the planet. / An A to Z gamut, a gargantuan panoply.
TOM SERVO: Example, please?
JONAH: Well, name a land!
TOM: Belize.
JONAH: Oh, geez. Easy-peasy, mes amis! / See, in the Yucatan, / You can meet El Cadejo. / In Belize, they believe in him, / They’re not afraid to say so.
TOM: Scotland?
JONAH: Nessie’s livin’ up in a loch!
TOM: How ‘bout Poland?
JONAH: A scary scarecrow named “Bubák.”
CROW T. ROBOT: Huh. So it’s not just Godzilla?
TOM: Well, duh, Crow. There’s a lot that could kill ya.
CROW: Hey!
JONAH: Tom!
TOM: Sorry, Crow.
CROW: Okay.
TOM: Bros?
CROW: Sho’.
TOM: Yo, Jonah, how’s the chorus go?
JONAH: Every country has a monster they’re afraid of in their nation.
ALL: Every monster has a country. / Yeah, a station they call their home!
CROW: Gunter glieben glauten Crow-ben.
TOM: What turned the musk deer’s guts to spaghetti?
JONAH: Was it in Tibet?
TOM: Yep.
JONAH: I bet he met a yeti.
CROW: Australia?
JONAH: Their drop bears will impale ya.
TOM: Then they’ll sell ya hella touristy paraphernalia.
JONAH: Chupacabra’s chewin’ up cattle down in Mexico. / Déélgééd’s horn is gorin’, battlin’ the Navajo. / Congo’s kongamato is a mondo flyin’ dino. / I know I don’t wanna die, but when I do, he’ll be the guy.
TOM & CROW: Whoa!
TOM: So, Crow?
CROW: Servo?
TOM: Ready to go?
CROW: Start slow.
TOM: Kropermann is a monster from Luxembourg.
CROW: Who’s actually the size of Luxembourg.
TOM: He crushed the whole country of Luxembourg.
ALL: Because he is the size of Luxembourg!
JONAH: What?
CROW: Egypt’s got mummies like Tutankhamun.
TOM: Leprechaun on the lawn in Boston Common.
JONAH: You ‘bots got the hang of it, this song’s really kickin’!
ALL: Chickety-China, the Chinese chicken!
JONAH: (SPEAKING)
And by that, I mean Jiufeng and Peng, giant Chinese birds, and one of them turns into a fish! Anyway…
JONAH: Gnus, killer shrews, and the loup garous / Baba Yaga, Jorōgumo, and the impundulu. / Now you guys realize the surprising size / Of all the worldwide daikaiju!
ALL: Every country has a monster / They’re afraid of in their nation. / Every monster
GYPSY: Sasquatch?
ALL: Has a country.
JONAH: That’s Canada!
ALL: Yeah, a station they call their home!
TOM: Tatzelwurm for the Swiss!
ALL: Every country
CROW: Scandinavia!
ALL: Has a monster
JONAH: That’s kraken!
ALL: They’re afraid of
TOM: Kinga!
ALL: In their nation
JONAH & CROW: Moon 13!
ALL: Every monster has a country. / Yeah, we’ve got Movie Sign!
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